Friday, October 7, 2011

Hide and Seek

Aidan's not lost. I know exactly where he is. There are just moments that I feel like we are playing a game of hide and seek. When the waves of grief are just too big. When the tears are too many. When the emotions are just too much. That's when he hides. Because he knows that I will come looking and when I do, I find him. At the feet of God. Smiling at me because I'm back where I belong. I'm back where I am meant to be.

It's not fair that I have to live each day without Aidan physically in my arms. Because of this, I look for him in everything. The beautiful weather, a butterfly, my blooming roses. I even look for him in the eyes of those who love him just as I do. And there he is. My beautiful perfect son.

I have heard a lot of people ask the question what is the purpose? Is there a reason? While Aidan may have never done the typical things a newborn does he did do the biggest of them. They placed him in my arms and he changed me. He made me want to be better. He made a part of my heart that I never even knew existed come alive. He made me a mom. And in doing this he fulfilled his first purpose. I believe that the rest of Aidan's purpose lies with me as well. It took him to change me. It will take the two of us to change others. Our story will not be a silent one. Our story will be told. It will be told of love, compassion, and grace. It may have started on May 26th, 2011, but it didn't end on September 4, 2011. No. We still have so much further to go. It's only just beginning sweet boy. The next step in our story has been the creation of "On Aidan's Wings" and his wristbands. We are going to change the lives of future familes. Hopefully, we will change the heartache to a happy healthy baby for someone else. That's what his wristbands stand for. As a reminder of the angel he is and the babies of the future.

Yes, there will be hard moments even days. Yes, I will still grieve and miss my son. However, he is not lost. He is merely playing a game with his mommy to remind all of us of our purpose.

1 comment:

  1. I've been praying for y'all so much & will keep doing so... What a precious baby that he got to go straight to Jesus' arms! Isaiah 57:1 says "The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." I hope you can find some peace in that. I read a book called Heaven Is For Real, and there's a part that specifically talks about being reunited with children we never got the chance to know on should definitely read it! Love y'all.


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