Monday, October 10, 2011

Breaking the silence

As a person who has never been able to draw or paint, I found immense therapy in both tonight! A dear sweet best friend took me to a place called "Spirited Art." They provide all of the supplies and lead you through step by step. It was wonderful! In the process of mixing colors to make it my own and with each brush stroke I felt this freedom. Part of this freedom is leading me to say this.

As the mother of an angel there is something that I feel like we need to change in our society. We need to change where we fit and how we are looked at. I have found so many mothers who have lost before me, but only have come out since my loss. On the other side, I have found this huge chasm between those who have lost and those who haven't. Some have managed to bridge the gap. The bridge is made of love and words. Words about Aidan, my grief, our story. Those who chose to ignore it because they are afraid to upset me feel light years away. It's such a strange thing when all I want to talk about is Aidan. They want to talk about everything BUT Aidan. So all that is left is this huge hole.

It is because of this hole that we must break the silence. My loss, my grief, my child is real. And whether the child was miscarried in the first trimester, was alive up until the last moments before birth, was stillborn or died soon after birth it does not diminish their place in the world. They deserve to be acknowledged. They deserve to be loved as any other child. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it is scary. The only way for research to be done and awareness to grow, is to talk about it. The only way to learn, is to talk about it. The only way to one day stop it, is to talk about it.

So please, ask me. Talk to me. I might cry. You can cry with me. It is much better than the pretend face I put on to make everyone else feel better.

Maybe I should pick up a paintbrush more often...

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