Two months ago at this time I was holding you. Breathing you in. Praising God for your perfection. Praying to the same God for the understanding. For the strength to be able to let you go just as soon as I had gotten you. I didn't sleep a wink that night. Each second had to count as a year. Each minute a decade.
It's just not fair. Plain and simple. I should be sitting here feeling your hiccups because my body didn't fail. I should be so tired because I am in the third trimester. I should be filled to the brim with excitement.
Instead, I am sitting here with empty arms. They ache so badly for a baby. I want to comfort, nurture and love on a baby. I am back to pre-pregnancy size. I sipped Evan's beer rather than just smelling it at dinner. I am missing you. Like I've never missed anyone before.
So again, on the 4th night of the month I am praying. Praises that you were mine, that you were so perfect, that your perfect feet have left such a footprint. Praying for understanding. Praying for acceptance and peace. Praying for his grace.
From the hardest to the best days you are always with me, Aidan. With me every step of the way.
I stumbled across your blog via faces of loss and I read your entry because I saw you lived close to me. I am so so sorry about the loss of your sweet baby boy. I lost my daughter Nov. 9, 2010. She was born at UAMS. I love your tattoo, it's beautiful. Big hugs and I will be praying for you!!
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