Sunday, November 6, 2011

Room. All Saints Day. Alot for this Momma, but completely worth it.

I am writing this from Aidan's room. His now finished room. I couldn't just pack it all away. It was like I was packing him away. So, instead of his nursery it is now our space. A place to come and just sit. Relax. Be in the moment with him. I am no longer afraid to open this door. It's the first place I wanted to come tonight.

Awful. Beautiful. Heart wrenching. Cathartic. Emotional. Tears. Laughter. My boy. My friends. God's Grace. Healing.

That's how I would describe the process. I wish I would have thought to take befores. It was excruciating to go through every single thing of Aidan's. It is perfect knowing that everything now has a place. So that was Saturday.

And then there is today. Today was All Saints Day at our church. They included Aidan in the honors. So much comfort was given to me. Another hard day. Another day of healing. I know that a lot of people wanted to be there but couldn't tonight. It was a beautiful service. Aidan was included with an incredible group. What a blessing that was in itself. As most of you know, I was extremely nervous about sharing Aidan's story. The only way I know to even give you a glimpse of the service is share the song we had played while we lit Aidan's candle and the words I used to describe him. It was incredibly hard to stand there and keep it together. There were moments I just wasn't sure I could. It was in those moments I felt God. He was standing there and when I couldn't even breathe let alone talk to this group of people, he did it for me. I like to think someone else was there listening with him.

We lit Aidan's candle from the Christ Candle.

Once the song finished, God ever so slightly nudged me and this is Aidan's story...

Aidan taught us so much in the short time we were given with him. To say that he has been a blessing just isn't enough. When I think about Aidan, I immediately think of love. The love of a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, friends who are our chosen family and the love of our church family. Aidan has inspired an abundance of love.

He loved a waffle cone and grape juice. He loved the River Service music. At 2:00 every day, he wanted to stretch and play. He prompted me to walk so he could get some more room after being squished while I was working. And even in those last precious hours, he fought so hard. He showed us just how strong he was. And in the exact moments that he was born, we handed him to God.

Perhaps, this is Aidan's truest gift. The faith he has inspired. Without this faith, we wouldn't be standing here talking to you. We wouldn't know that one day we will hold him again. We wouldn't find comfort in knowing that Aidan has only known love. That is all that he will ever know. There is so much comfort in that.

We may not ever know the why. Why were we the chosen family? Why Aidan?

We are instead choosing to look forward. We are determined to keep Aidan's legacy alive and ever growing. What started as a mom desperate to have a piece of him with her has grown. Aidan's purpose is growing. It is already bigger than we could have ever dreamt. Allowing us to share Aidan's story allows us to heal. It allows us to raise awareness and fight for the prevention for future babies and their families. And it all started with a wristband. The comfort that we find in seeing Aidan's name on all of your wrists is immeasurable.

Know that your love and faith is bringing us comfort and simultaneously raising awareness and giving hope to other families like ours. After all...On Aidan's Wings, Hope Flies.

While I was visiting Aidan tonight I snapped this picture. This is his view every single sunset. Peace. Grace. Love.

1 comment:

  1. I just found this blog and am very sorry for your loss. We did the same thing with my daughters room. I find such peace in it and I also am no longer afraid to be in here as well.


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