Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The night before ramblings...

It's the eve before our first Thanksgiving as parents. The first major holiday as parents without our child.

Those two sentences should never coincide.

As time passes, the shock wears off. The physical pain of his birth has eased. Life has seemingly returned to normal.

For the rest of the world this is true. As his Momma it's just not so. The pain is searing. I am so raw and vulnerable. I have zero defenses left to protect myself. I will never forget Aidan.

Will you? In this time of giving thanks, spending time with loved ones, shopping madness, sparkle, twinkling lights and all the holidays encompass will you forget that 1/3 of my precious family is missing?

I fear this because he wasn't here for us to make previous holiday memories with. I don't have a stocking from Christmas past to hang. I won't sit at the table tomorrow and see the spot he filled. Instead I will notice the space not left for him.

It will be bittersweet. It will be hard.

But I will be thankful. I will be so gracious for the blessings in my life. I will praise God because he blessed my story with Aidan.

I am thankful for so many things. Most of all for the precious little boy I get to call my son.

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