Fall Apart

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

Strong. Courageous. Inspiring. How can I be any of these when all I feel is lost, abandoned and torn apart?

Faith. Because in the moments that I am falling apart God shines through. In the moments I have nothing left, God acts.

Surviving this week was just as hard as I anticipated. However, something happened that I didn't expect. I am so overwhelmingly thankful.

1. Evan. His strength. His ability to look at me and see through the facade. His determination to get me through the dark days. His love for Aidan.

2. Our families. They are our shelter. They have protected us and acted as our shield. They love us through.

3. Friends. People who call just because we popped in their heads and thought we might need some encouragement. They are our constant.

4. Hope. You never realize how valuable it is until it is gone.

5. Time. I have learned the hard way the need to cherish and make the most of every second.

6. Faith. My foundation. When everything cracks. When I break it is left. It is my strength. It is my core.

7. Aidan. That special part of my heart no one else will ever touch. My purpose. My sheer determination. My son.

Everyday I have written something to be thankful for. The above list is just the last seven days. As you can see, even on the darkest days, even when my heart feels as though it will never heal, even when you look at me and wonder if I will ever be ok, I have so much to be thankful for. I am beyond blessed.