Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Where am I headed?

Good days.
Bad days.
Lonely days.
All about Aidan days.
Hopeful days.

Each and every day takes effort.

Each day is leading to somewhere on this journey.

I met another momma today on this journey.
Aidan's legacy has spread far enough that others are turning Momma's to our story.

Nine months ago, all I was trying to do was survive. Trying to figure out a way to live without Aidan, but keep him present in our lives. I know. It doesn't make any sense. It's what I had to do though. And today, someone described me as able to keep him alive.

I know that he is gone. Trust me. I know. I have the empty aching arms to remind me all the time. However, his name is spoken. His face is adored. His life means something.
And that means everything.

I have to summon every ounce of courage to put on that ok face most days. Days like today are easier. Sharing his story with another mom, sharing his story with people who are on a mission, sharing his story which inspires people to go outside their comfort zone. That is my comfort zone. Because I am actively being a mom.

People are starting to know Aidan. They know me because of Aidan.

I will never be ok with the fact that he died.

I am forever grateful that I am his mom.

This Saturday is the anniversary of the day I learned there would be an Aidan. The day my heart shifted. The day the reality that I would be a mom started.

I have no idea where tomorrow will take me.

All I can ask. All I can pray:
Is for it to lead me to the cross.


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