Friday, May 18, 2012

Jealous of the angels

What a day.
Today I witnessed great strength, passion, determination.
I also witnessed the cruelest forms of ignorance.

Dead Baby Photos. Dead Baby Card.

Two phrases being tossed around by people who have no idea what it means to bury your child.

It doesn't matter if your child is born in a hospital, at home, or in dirt. If that baby dies, you blame yourself. As its mother, you question everything. The last thing you need is someone who has no knowledge of your experience telling you that it is your fault. We do that enough. The last thing we need is someone reaffirming it. And just so it's clear, every single Mom that I have met over the last eight months, it was NOT their faults. They got dealt the same crappy hand I did.

There is a woman who took six mothers and their stories and assigned them all dead babies cards. Blaming them for their children's deaths.
And people backed her up.
I couldn't even read the entire article through the tears. Angry tears.

And then this happened....

We rejoiced. Our local news ignored the taboo and made it their top story.

And then the idiots started talking. And it down right made my blood boil.

Dead Baby Photos. Spectacle. Offensive. Something that should remain private.

I carry Aidan's photos with me everywhere I go. Just on the off chance that someone anyone would want to see them. Because I am PROUD of my little boy. And while I am so very sorry that his photos may offend you, they are all I have. They are all I will ever have and I will not apologize for being proud of him. I will not hide him in shame because someone is afraid of death. I will not let them just be dead baby pictures. Because he is MY CHILD.

I am protective of him. I wish I had half the courage that Grayson's family has. They did not intend for Grayson's pictures to go public. They just wanted to share him in the same manner that they get to share their other children. And people are faulting them for this!  I am so afraid that someone will not see Aidan for what he is and instead will turn their head or think its strange. I am so afraid that someone will reject my child.

I will fight to the end for Aidan, Grayson and all the babies. They all deserve to be loved and honored. And as their parents we deserve to be encouraged and respected. You don't have to agree. You don't have to look at the pictures. You also don't have to discredit our child's life (no matter how short) either. It's called compassion. It's called grace. It's called love.

Tonight is a night that makes me thankful that Aidan is safe. He will never witness this part of the world. He will never be afraid or hurt by others. He is safe with the angels. I'm so so jealous of those angels though...

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