Saturday, March 3, 2012


Six months ago tonight was the last night I knew true innocence.

Six months ago tonight, we celebrated. I spent a perfect day with Vos. I stood up for one of my dearest friends on her oh so special day. I was surrounded by so many that I hold near to my heart. My life seemed perfect. I had no idea what was coming.

This is the night that the uncomfortable ache set in on my back. This is the night that I endured, assuring myself I was just tired. This is the night I had no idea I could endure what was to come.

This is the night that changed everything. It is the night I went into labor.


These months have encompassed so much. I have hurt to my core. I have cried more tears than seems humanly possible. I have yearned for him with such ferocity. And still, I have loved more than ever. I have learned so very much. The laughter has been some of the most needed release. The opportunities that have been presented are way beyond my control and they continue to grow.

This time has been the most important and defining time of my life.

All because of a little boy with a huge legacy. The tiniest footprints have left a gigantic imprint.
Aidan has changed everything.

Because of him I have found this inner strength. I have found the importance of words. I have found my voice. That guy took a piece of me and in that hole, sheer determination has grown.

Each and everyday, I miss him. I miss who he was. Who he might have been.

And still, each day I experience him.


  1. Hi I just found your blog on Grieve out loud. I am so sorry your little Aidan went to heaven. Our Jonathan joined him 1-24-12. It has been the hardest experience I have walked through and the loneliness can be overwhelming. I am so sorry you are walking this path also. I just wanted to let you know I was here and appreciate you sharing your story.
    I love the picture of his little hand.
    Prayers and blessings sent your way.

  2. Hi Tara. My daugther was stillborn last September too, so I know how six months feels. Thanks for sharing Aidan's story with us all. I'm so sorry for your loss. xoxo


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