Thursday, July 12, 2012

One of those days...

Maybe it's the big changes?

Maybe it is because of the time of the year?

Maybe it is because September is barreling towards me?

All I know for sure is, today was just one of those days. All of the emotion, all of the grief, all of the heartache is bubbling over.

I've been all sorts of numb lately. The tears could come, but only one or two at a time. I had developed this wall of defense. I've been taking fake it until you make it to an entirely new level.

And then today happened. Nothing happened.

And all I have done is cry.

Over Tom and everything his legacy means.

Over things that are completely out of my control.

Over the fact that in two weeks I will move out of the first house that Evan and I called home. (Not to mention the fact that we still don't know where our next home will be!)

Over the fact that I miss my Mom.

Over the fact that Savannah is six months old. (How is that even possible?)

Over the fact that it is taking such effort to write this.

Over the fact that I walked through the baby section tonight and looked for babies who still aren't mine.

Some days are just hard.

And I just have to keep reminding myself, it is totally ok to cry.

On a better note, there are big things on the horizon. Lots of projects, a very special first birthday celebration, and lots of March of Dimes. Pretty much, lots and lots of Aidan. Blessings in the darkness.

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