We must be the body

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in trying to fade into the faces
The girl's teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgemental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road

Jesus payed much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

Jesus is the way

Those lyrics have never meant more than they do tonight. I knew I would be in an emotional upheaval with March for Babies this weekend. I want it to be perfect. I want the garden to have an impact.

I had no idea how much of an impact this week would have with me. Last night Court and I ran around Hobby Lobby like crazy people trying to find the perfect things to go in "Hope's Chest." Books, journals, stepping stone with her name on it.

Tonight we added monogrammed blankets and lambs. And then I did the biggest thing I've done since I gave birth. I handed that box to Hope's Momma. I hugged her. I sat with her. I cried with her. I was able to sit with her and show her that she can survive. I was able to give her ways to remember Hope. And I honestly think it was more healing for me.

I was finally able to do something and make a difference. All because of Aidan. All because I have sat in her exact place. Her pain was so raw. It instantly took me back, but I am so much stronger now. I didn't shy away from the grief. I embraced it and extended my hand to her.

I honestly felt like I was doing God's work.

It's amazing. It was nothing. It was simple.

To that momma though, it was everything. I know. I've been there.

All of the grace. All of the peace. All of the comfort that others gave and give to me, I was able to pass on. I was able to turn it around and give it to another mom in need.

Tomorrow will bring such a deeply personal moment. I will go far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Just so I can ensure that Hope's momma has as much as she needs to survive the death of her child. Tomorrow, I will rely solely on my faith and on my belief that I will see Aidan again.

March for Babies and the Garden have taken a new meaning to me in the past two days. I am so inspired. I am a mom on a mission.

Stand back and watch. Or, step up and let's fly.

Because, On Aidan's Wings...Hope Flies.

I had no idea that one day that statement would carry even more weight. It's the most important thing right now.

A God Moment

Some days are harder than others.

And then, there are the moments within the days that are unbearable. Some are expected, but the worst are the ones that overwhelm without any warning. Without any reason.

Yesterday afternoon I was picking up the house. Nothing major, and then without warning, the wave engulfed me. I was dodging the puppies when I realized I should have been juggling a six week old.

Not carrying six months worth of grief on my shoulders.

I have learned to just stop. If I let the wave come and I just ride it out, then I regain a sense of control much quicker. So, I went to Aidan's room. I sat in the recliner and looked at his things. I looked at his pictures. I missed him. I let myself cry for the things I am missing. I prayed.

I thanked God for Aidan. I thanked God for giving me the strength to love him and share him. I asked for a sign; reassurance that there is a purpose. I just needed a moment.

God talks in all sorts of ways. Previously it has been in a blooming flower, the sun shining through the rain, his birth date on the clock. God winks.

Other times he comes in loud and clear.

I wrote previously that I had been asked to write a devotional. I wrote it and sent it in. However, I NEVER expected it to actually be published. 

I found out today that it was indeed published. Aidan's story is moving, changing and impacting people all throughout the world.

God answers prayers. Not always with the answer we want. Not always in the time frame we want. But, he ALWAYS answers.

Answered Prayers