Longing, Wishing...Loving

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but my Mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"

I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.

Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Author Unknown

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Author Unknown

His absence is strong tonight. I long to have my uncomfortable pregnant belly. I long to wish him here already. I long for the kicks. I long for his heartbeat. I long for him.

The tears are in abundance. They flow easily and constant. The salt burns my raw eyes.

I wish I didn't hurt. I wish Evan didn't hurt. I wish we weren't those parents.

I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to stress. I don't want to shy away.

But this is the new life. The life I not only had no choice in but one I am expected to live fully. I try and that's all I can do. Promise to try.

I love my husband. I love how close we are to our immediate families and the friends who might as well be family. I love the safety we find in them. I love Aidan. I love Aidan. I love Aidan. I love Aidan. Therefore, I have to love this life.