Praise You in This Storm

Rain. Thunder. Lightening. Ongoing since I woke up this morning. Even now I hear the rain and thunder rumbling. Storms usually provoke anxiety in me.

Except for today. The storm has been constant. Almost a comfort. Because it matches my insides. The tears are never ending and overflow the rain gauge. The fears, doubts and anger are clashing together as the thunder. The pain sears like lightening flashes.

For the first time, I felt like the outside matched the inside.

Dark, dreary, and comforting.

And yet still, glimpses of joy found their way.

A perfect baby boy was born. A new family is experiencing so much tonight. So much it makes my heart swell. So much that I totally understand and so much that I long to feel again.

And my sweet Savannah finally showed us her beautiful face in an ultrasound. She is the closest thing I have to Aidan. She is scheduled to be here two days before his due date. Her Momma is carrying me through. Just as we carried and planned for our babies together now she carries me. And it is because of her love that I can feel the true joy of Savannah. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I can't wait to share that moment with Em. Because she has been there for me. All of the moments. She held Aidan's monitor. She held Aidan. She held me.

It is pouring. It is thundering. And yet, I will praise you in this storm.