Moments

January 14th. A big day. An important day. The day that signaled the end of one journey and the beginning of another.

The day that never got to be, but turned into something else.

It was supposed to have been all about Aidan. It was supposed to be his entry into the world. A day in which Aidan lived.

Instead, it was a day about our lives without Aidan. A day more about the hopes and dreams that will not get to be. 

It was about more than just Aidan. It was about Evan and I. The decisions we have made since Aidan's birth and the direction our lives are headed. A day to acknowledge our loss and to be reminded of those who have lost before us and unfortunately, those who will lose after us. 

So, in my true form. I went a bit overboard. I got butterflies for the other babies. I got flowers and more flowers, a big pinwheel and balloons for Aidan. 

There are orange, yellow and green ones scattered throughout the cemetery. It turned out to be quite a scavenger hunt that added some humor and excitement to the celebration.

We each had a single carnation and one by one we placed them on Aidan. I managed to get a picture of everyone except my mom (she went first so I wasn't quick enough.)

Our group turned out to be quite large and so very special. Aidan had grandparents, a great-grandparent, aunts, uncles, aunties, friends, pastor, and even his friend Jo. All people who love him and have literally carried me through.

We then wrote messages to Aidan and sent the balloons heaven-bound. The wind was fierce so I wasn't able to get pictures.

BUT, that's what best friends are for. My beloved Boyd's got to bring Savannah home on Saturday. They managed to find the time to send A some balloons from Searcy and sent me not just a pic, but a video!



We took down the Christmas at A's spot and added some sunshine yellow tulips and a special elephant his Auntie Courtney made him.

It was tough day, but it was spent honoring and cherishing our blessed Aidan. There were the warmest most sincere hugs, some tears and lots of love. More love than I could have ever asked for.

I'm sure if you are reading this, you have figured out that music plays a huge part in my life. There are moments when the only thing that calms my heart and spirit is the simple melodies and heartfelt lyrics. I've got a new favorite at the moment. "Carry me to the Cross" by Kutless. The album comes out in February and I CANNOT wait. It is the perfect song for this journey. It is the perfect song for the past few days. I have cried more tears than I have in a long time. I have been hit with a lot of emotions. Yet, still I have made it. I am embracing what is to come.