Joy and Broken

Em is my best friend. She is the one I want to tell everything too.

For years, I have prayed. Yesterday, I stood in the hallway of a hospital and literally looked at God's love and an answered prayer. I first laid eyes on Savannah Brooke.

And the first thing I thought was "oh, she looks like Em. She has her nose." Unless you were sitting in yet another labor and delivery unit four months ago, that means nothing. But, between two best friends, it was everything. Because when Em first laid eyes on Aidan, those were her words.

A lot of people have asked why I went. Taking out the million other reasons, that one right there is it. She was able to come to the hospital and hold my hand, my monitor and then Aidan. She didn't pity me. She wasn't afraid it was contagious. She held my son and saw that he looked like me. She embraced his worth and has carried him with her throughout the rest of her pregnancy. We never dreamed we would be pregnant together. We planned so much once we were given that gift. And while it is never like we ever imagined, we are still momma's. And we love those babies for all that they are.

You can't really tell, but she already has her fingers laced together. Such a princess already!

Being there with Emily and Matt was such an amazing thing to share with them. Literally watching someone else's dream come true was so hopeful. The tenderness that everyone shared with me. The love that was poured over Aidan and I was pure grace. There are no words to describe what I was watching. I was so excited for them. I was anxious to hold her. I was anxious to hug Em. I was witnessing what almost was for me.

I have a picture of Emily and I with Aidan. And now I have a picture of Emily and I with Savannah. And though you cannot see him, Aidan is there too.

It was a day much bigger than me. It was a day no words can describe. It was a day of equal parts joy and brokenness. So intertwined you couldn't tell them apart. You couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

Much like Em, Savannah, Aidan and I.