Brave

Brave:

1: having or showing courage

2: making a fine show

 

 

I know a lot of people who exemplify the first definition of brave. Bravery at its finest. Tom. A soldier who made the ultimate sacrifice. Jackie. A husband and father first. Police officer second, but always in front of his fellow officers. Leslie. A mom facing Leukemia praying for a transplant so she can watch her precious child grow up. Amanda. A mom praying everyday for her sweet Stella to be cured.

 

Someone once called me brave. I certaintly don't belong in the same catagory as those mentioned above. At least, not for the first definition. When I read the second one, I identified. It's what I do. It's why I am so tired at the end of the day. Because I have to summon up every ounce of courage and bravery to face the world.

 

My world of oxymoron's. I am a mom. No one calls me mommy. I have a child I am so proud of. Some people are too afraid to even speak his name.

 

Just about every single person I see on a regular basis is a mom. Certaintly, there are more moms than not. And I love each and every one of them. And I LOVE those babies. I would do anything for anything of them. Still, there are moments I feel completely on the outside. I am left out of mommy conversations and experiences. My heart just aches in these moments. I yearn so deeply to have him here so that I can be included. All I can do is just be brave. Face the pain head on. Smile through. Be as brave as I have ever had to be.

 

Of course, to some, the easiest fix to this is to start trying again. To simply have another baby.

 

I would do anything to have another baby. And one day, when the time is right I will have to. I will have to endure surgery. I will have to be home bound for the majority of the pregnancy. I will have to be the bravest I have ever been.

 

More brave women can be found here.